Ideas for this created from songs I love and a few lyrics thrown in to the mix
Life. Most people live it; all I seem to do is push against the Prick! My hopes, I push them up and they always fall down I thought. I scratched absently at the stubble 3 daze had brought me this week. I had taken so many wrong turns lately I thought. First the poor choice of words at the funeral, then the apathetic attempt at a eulogy. James deserves better than this! Better than me. I should be ashamed and embarrassed but nothing has flushed by cheeks in longer than I can recall. I just sat there at the bar numb and slumped over and staring at the pictures in the newspaper.
The cars rush by the door as it opened and shut again. I heard the rain spitting against the window. Jane pulled up a barstool next me.
“Martini Johnny.”, she said absently.
“…sure Jane.” Johnny replied.
Jane turned to me and wiped the raindrops off her vinyl fur collared coat. I smelt her perfume first, and images of awkward high school dances and too much effort filled my mind.
“People are confusing.” She began, “When they get what they want, they just throw it in the corner”.
It’s true, I thought, they can do such ugly things in the name of pride.
“I know.” I agreed, “I know that a fragile trust can be torn to pieces by a word. But you know what they say”, I paused, “No pain no gain.”
What I had said surprised even me. I winced at how much it said about me, how shallow I was, I looked away from her into the coffee spoon and saw the bright overcast day thru the window reflected in it and mused sadly.
In the sea of thoughts and images that washed over me when I felt too weak to keep them from my minds eye. I thought that I was drowning in all the regretful and ignorant things I had said and done through the years, the pain and loss I held tightly. I felt so washed out and as gray as the sky in the spoon.
“I must be some use to somebody.” she said then clarified, “I mean, there must be a reason for me… Right?”
I looked back at her my eyes so full of words and sad love; put my hand on hers, “Yes Luvee. You mean the world and more to me.”
Her eyes widened as she looked at me then frowned, “I am not buying you a drink!” she stated flatly.
“Not looking for one, just saying what I feel.” I replied.
“Awh that’s nice Martin. She said warmly. “Okay one drink then, on me.”
“No no” I said clumsily, “I am not drinking, not today.”
“Ooh, there must be something beyond the standard maudlin.” she inquired. Almost excited by the precise string of words she had never heard me say. “…do tell what has afflicted you so.”
“I motioned to Johnny who was just within earshot at the other end of the bar. “Another coffee, black and two.”
“Coming up.” he replied”
I ran my fingers through my hair to try to find the words to start with, after a short pause none came. I sighed and resumed the slumped pose I had perfected over the last 3 hours. Picked up the spoon and circled it around the rim of the cold coffee in front of me.
“Newt’s funeral was today and I fucked it.” I confessed.
“…fucked it?” she echoed quizzically.
“yup,” I sighed. “Fucked it bad. All I could see was the looks on his mum’s and sister’s faces when I just opened my mouth and let the words fall out…” I paused. “Yep,” I confirmed, “really fucked that right up.”
“Can’t have been that bad Jane said. “Could it?”
Call Melinda, she was there, she’ll tell you. I just wanted to die right there. Swap me for him in the casket behind me and call it even.”
She chastised me “Oh come on now Martin, you are always good with words and have a good way of saying all the things we all feel rather well, you are being hard on yourself.”
“I wish that was the case today Jane. I answered, “But no, I did such a disservice to my old friend. I am disgusted.”
In the brightest day and the darkest night, No ironical farce will escape my sight.
Let those who further ignorance's plight beware my dour, The Obi Lantern's light!
Mr Fixit!
