The Unbearable Lightness Of Being... Finished!
Thursday has come and gone and I must say to my surprise - so has the week. I have shut down in many aspects of the word, to the untrained eye it would seem as if I am dead splayed across the couch for the last few days, barely eating and barely moving, but to the yogi's eye it would be clear that a little internal shakabuku was happening, even I am oblivious to most of it. Except for a moment today driving home I actually felt lighter and more at ease than I have for many many months.
Now, those of you that know me and live in this fair city have actually seen me in the last 9 months become bent over and go all gray and sunken eyed... To those that do not live in the fair city of Melbourne then you would have only heard snippets and abstract and drawn your own conclusions from the evidence at hand.
Life has been tough, damn tough. I have had so much on my mind and heart that I hit overload and could not manage more than the 9 hours a day at the soul sucking job and the niggly distractions like eating and sleeping and packing up a house and the flu and shutting down a life and managing to keep a smile on my face and be happy looking. That all takes energy that I was only just been able to achieve.
Of course my list, in priorities my interests were so much more than my capacity and like so many people in a similar situation of being overwhelmed they shut down. Shut down aspects of themselves or their lives. For example, I have not created any art in the last 4 months at all, nothing and nada, I have wanted to, oooh how I have craved the time to sit and waste an hour or 3 but had other priorities and responsibilities.
Now, as I send off my last exam and assignment to be assessed I am calm and exhausted. The fog that has weighed me down and made me question myself is clearing and I can see the way ahead.
In the journey of our lives I became lost in a dark wood where the straight road had been lost. - I think it was Dante's Inferno.
With some perserverance and some generous help from loved ones Obi is back on his feet.
posted by Obi Won Kenardly at 11:41 PM
In the brightest day and the darkest night, No ironical farce will escape my sight.
Let those who further ignorance's plight beware my dour, The Obi Lantern's light!
Mr Fixit!
2 Comments:
I am so proud of you.
You have worked so so hard on your schoolwork, and now it's DONE.
Do take the time you have left to do the things you have wanted to do. You deserve that right!
xoxox
wow, i so understand those feelings. reading your recent posts took me back to just before i left melbourne for japan. scheisse! i cried uncontrollably for a month as i was absolutely incapable of doing anything else and felt so completely overwhelmed by everything.
sounds like you're over the worst of it and hopefully it will get easier as your departure date gets closer. just think how relaxed you'll be on the plane when you can sit back, sip champagne and you'll have the emotional space to take in the excitement of the adventure ahead.
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