Paranoia 101 – A Skill Set

A friend recently sent me a photo by email showing me of himself and his new love interest. I was pleased that he looked so happy in the picture. A busy day ensued and I replied to the email and asked where he met her and what her name was. Now this is where it all got funny…

He replied and as if I had asked another question. I thought it strange that he would send me a picture, what I would have thought was more personal than telling me her name, and blithely ramble about something else. I left it for that day as work was piling up. The weekend came and when and I sent the regular, “how you going, did you have a good weekend?” question. He said he’d gone to a party and it was generally good, I then asked back, was it with your new lady, and asked what her name was again. He avoided the question and spoke about other details of the party. I replied that he it was curious fellow and that on several occasions I had asked about her and he avoided the question. No reply.

Now a few things whizzed thru my mind at light speed. Firstly, frustration, as asking the question several times and then again point blank with still no answer. Then the dark thought occurred to me. Why does he not trust me? Then of course I applied that formula to the rest of the dishevelled assembly of thoughts and wondered it I had made the theoretical H bomb. The pieces don’t fall together very well and I am still puzzled. Firstly because I have known this friend for many a year and been through many great times and bad times and supported him through them. I in turn have been supported by him. I value him and our friendship. Recent events in my life have taken me in a different direction in the past 2 years but the same friendship always was there to rely on.

What would change so much that he would be cordial yet absent? I work on the opposite side of the city now, a good hour out and don’t drink with him on a regular basis anymore and perhaps that is a starting point, but not to put too fine a point on it, he is a borderline alcoholic and to drink with him at any time or session would mean dragging your sorry self out of a pub at 11.30pm to catch the last train home on any school night. I cannot do that anymore. The years I thought I could have well past me and I am so very glad for it. My life my mind and my work suffered with that sort of chemical abuse for a time and I broke out of it.

Of course my company’s success has caused a pending move back into the city to overshadow the worry I have about this friend and why he no longer trusts me.

I spoke to someone I respect about all this and she said that it has been said about me (from very separate friends to which he is not attached) that I have strong principals. Personally I think that is the nicest way of saying I am immutably stubborn I have ever heard. But I must admit that if I do not agree with something I certainly will not do it. For example that could be something like going to car races. I hate the whole macho V8 rev-head mentality. Or going or not going away on a weekend with the boys. Because I am saving for something else.

Weekends away with friends like this have been alcohol fuelled turbo binges that have had altogether too much violence and fist swinging in them. I am too old to be in anything like that and can express myself reasonably well most of the time. Any time I have suggested an alternative I have been canned instantly. I accept that these friends do not like the same sort of things I do and sometimes I suggest them to make a point that our interest are so different, but that falls on deaf ears and glassy eyes.

Ah ha! I lost my point… Well I need to investigate why this loss of trust has come about and deal with the answers that come my way…Is it paranoia or just cautious speculation?

Obi Won’s
“Idiot’s Guide To Paranoia”
Will be out in all good book stores soon.
Stay tuned.